…Yes, it’s similar to being black. I’m still a minority. I’m still a woman. And, yes, I do consider myself part of the black community. But the experience is so, so different. When you’re a hybrid of more than one cultural and historical background, a sense of identity is much harder to grapple with. It’s more than just having a mom who doesn’t know how to do your hair, or sounding too “white” when you talk, or getting unwanted attention from men because we more closely represent society’s standard of beauty. It often feels like you have no culture or history. Black culture and history is not my culture and history; White culture and history is not my culture and history; Jewish culture and history is not my culture and history. They are what I cling to because I really have nothing of my own other than mere sentences in history books about children, born out of the raping of slaves, that had a 50/50 shot of being accepted into white society - & clearly if I was one of those mulattos back then, my carmel ass would’ve been a house slave.

I really think people underestimate what it’s like to often not have anyone, not even in your own family, who can be a role model and who understands what you go through during your life (especially during the formative years). I’ve had two real role models who I can identify with - my older sister and a recent, former boss at Walton Isaacson (whom I loved, but she came later in my life and I haven’t had the chance to have an extended relationship with her). No teachers or mentors to help guide me through a constant internal negotiation of culture and identity - that wasn’t even something my own parents could really provide for me.

I’m not trying to sound down on myself or “woe is me”… It was just a realization I came to today and wanted to express it… clearly this was word vomit and not very well written and thought out. Take it for what it is.